Green Slime It!

Back in 1976, the late Roy Tackett felt there was a need to recognize annual wretchedness in films, books and such.  Thus, Bubonicon’s Green Slime Awards were born.  In 2024, Slime Mistress Jessica L. Coyle continues the tradition. The 2024 Green Slime Awards will be presented during the Costume Contest on Saturday, August 24!

And she needs your help! Have you seen a horrible movie, watched a terrible TV show or SyFy movie, read a pathetic novel or short story, cringed at some cover artwork, or just wondered about the state of science in our land?  Then send your Green Slime nominations to Jessica for consideration BY 6:00 PM AUGUST 9, 2024 (ASFS Friday).  Early contenders so far include Rebel Moon, Sasquatch Sunset, Madame Web, The Garfield Movie, Atlas, The Spiderwick Chronicles, and Oreo Sour Patch Kids Sandwich Cookies!  Do you know of any wretchedness that should be considered?  Any bad TV or books this year?

All 2024 nominations must have been released/aired/taken place since Bubonicon 54 (August 2023).  The Green Slime Awards will be officially announced on Saturday, August 24, 2024.

Trivia Fact: 2024 will be Jessica’s 14th year in the position, and your support is much appreciated. Kathy K. Kelley ascended the Green Slime throne in 1999 from Roy Buergi (Master 1992-1998), and judged the Slimes a dozen times.  Send in those nominations between now and August 9, 2024…

2023 Award Recipients (Winners?):

• Food:  Lucky Charms Oatmeal (Hot mushy mess, artificial vanilla flavor, marshmallows melt oddly.)
• Book:  Silk Fire by Zabé Ellor (Alternates between being overly edgy and trying to be poetic; characters feel like they came from Gossip Girl; women are one-dimensional; very backwards worldbuilding.)
• Television:  Gotham Knights (Sad and destined to be ignored; stale writing; characters are hollow archetypes.)
• Comedic Movie:  Haunted Mansion (Overlong with distracting product placements; a cluttering mess, never scary and only sporadically funny; generic haunted house movie; middling entertainment and lifeless.)
• Sci-Fi Movie:  Gray Matter (Young girl has powers but we’re not told their significance; feels like the result of a focus group creating a generic superhero franchise; lethargic pacing, pedestrian script, and flat dialog.)
• Horror Movie:  Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (Rock-bottom joint that fails to meet the most basic expectations set up by its conceptual gimmick; barely any framing or narrative; no sense of Winnie story or nostalgia; unrelievedly grim; a real lack of talent in front of and behind the camera.)

2022 Award Recipients (Winners?):

• Food:  Hostess $TWINKcoin (they should consult an urban dictionary, bad timing on Bitcoin reference), and Marshmello’s Limited Edition Coca-Cola (gross idea – watermelon-strawberry flavored Coke.)
• Toys:  Marvel Heroes of Goo Jit Zu – Incredible Hulk & Captain Marvel (Dumb, break easily, some filled with toxic things though they are for kids. “Contains bead filling/metallic goo filling.”)
• Television:  Tom Swift (Acting & dialogue atrocious. Story is silly. Writing is bad and spfx can’t hide that. Comes across as just another CW night-time soap opera.)
• Studio:  Warner Brothers (Making odd decisions like cancelling Latina Batgirl film, but going forward with marketing around problematic cast of The Flash.)
• Horror Movie:  Firestarter (“Four-alarm disaster,” plays like a failed SyFy Channel pilot, not a lot really happens, boring, Zac Efron’s daddish efforts are hilarious, effects dodgy & unconvincing.)
• Sci-Fi Movie:  Moonfall (Quite possibly the dumbest thing ever created by human beings, Repeats lots of beats from other films, script poorly written & stupid, laughable dialogue, atrocious acting from a good cast.)
• Dishonorable Mention:  Morbius (Not the worst Marvel film, but not the best. Jared Leto too subdued.)

2021 Award Recipients (Winners?):

• Television:  Fate: The Winx Saga on Netflix (Would-be CW drama with love triangles, teenage insecurity and predictable plot twists; main characters are walking stereotypes & tropes; uneven pacing that feels both slow and rushed.)
• Food:  Minion Vanilla Cakebites (Texture like play-doh, vanilla when minions should be banana, not much flavor, disappointing.)
• Book:  Midnight Sun by Stephenie Meyer (Pretentious and overwritten; high school Lindsey would have loved it, but high school Lindsey is a moron; Edward’s POV adds nothing new to the story, and he goes on and on; a lot of the dialogue makes no sense from his POV.)
• Teen (or Superhero) Movie:  The New Mutants (The mash-up of haunted-house movie and high-school soap seem half-baked; odd cross of Flatliners and The Breakfast Club that is uninspired and routine; pacing is sluggish, dialogue often is clunky, and characters often are stick figures; a lot of build-up with very little climax; the worst of the X-Men franchise.)
• Sci-Fi Movie:  Breach (Storyline borrowed from Alien with blue-collar truckers in space; effects are bad, dialogue is terrible and story is shoddy; people will scratch their heads as to how Bruce Willis has topped his other low-grade stinkers; the film gets worse as it goes along, and it all feels banal, rote, and empty of enjoyment.)

2020 Award Recipients (Winners?):

• Television:  Warrior Nun on Netflix (Poor pacing, too much talk & not enough action)
  
• Toy:  Trolls World Tour Giggle & Sing Poppy (Activation button under skirt in her “private area” which makes her “giggle”)
• Young Adult Movie:  Artemis Fowl on Disney+ (Fantasy flop, chaotic mess, not much Artemis on screen)
  
• Adult Movie:  Cats!, based on the Broadway Musical (Complete disaster, waste of Judi Dench, baffling script, singers who can’t act and actors who can’t sing)
• Big Award:  2020, the Total Suck Year (pandemic, ignored science, social & political injustice, economic & food insecurity, murder hornets, wildfires & drought, above-average temps, huge hurricane season, The Great ABQ Moth Invasion, etc)
• Miscellaneous:  Weird Foods of the Pandemic (Cap’n Crunch popcorn, Mermaid & Unicorn waffles, Turkey Dinner candy corn, Cheetos Mac ‘n Cheese Flamin’ Hot, Twinkie & Sno Balls Iced Lattes, etc)

2019 Award Recipients (Winners?):

• Superhero Movie:  Dark Phoenix (Why is this Professor X’s story instead of Jean Grey’s?)
  
• Fantasy Movie:  Robin Hood (Bleak, no fun)
• SyFy Channel:  Zombie Tidal Wave (generic characters, silly plot)
  
• Television:  Pandora on The CW (conspiracies within silly conspiracies at a space academy)
• Novel:  Epidemic of the Living Dead by John Russo (clumsy, awkward writing)
• Toys:  Poop Trend (why so much poop?)

2018 Award Recipients (Winners?):

• Adult Movie:  Winchester (tired funhouse horror with no shocks)
  
• Kids Movie:  Show Dogs (a true wet, bad dog that seems way longer than it is)
• Television:  Marvel’s Inhumans (slapped-together, incoherent, cheap-looking mess)
  
• Coming Attractions:  DC Titans (grimdark, bad costumes and makeup)
• Toys:  Star Wars Dive Characters and Crazy Foam Wonder Woman (they look like “adult toys”)